Friday, August 15, 2014

This isn't me

        Hey everyone, it's time for my second post. Sorry this has take so long. I thought long and hard about this post and debated different topics until I remembered a conversation I had with a friend a little while back.  I had been coaching her through an eating disorder for a couple of months, and just like everyone else, different things are triggers, and different things help.  I was really trying to get her to dig deep and figure out what she thought would help her the most… That way I could tailor my advice to help her best.  She kept on telling me “I don’t know.”  Finally, I think mostly out of frustration, she said “I don’t know what will help, this is just not me.  I never wanted to have an eating disorder, what is wrong with me.”  Then it clicked… She thought because she is struggling with an eating disorder she is broken, she thinks she IS her eating disorder.  I know I felt that same way, and I am sure many of you do as well.
When you struggle with an eating disorder you are just that… struggling with an eating disorder, YOU ARE NOT YOUR EATING DISORDER.  Would you tell someone struggling with depression “You are depression”?  Everyone stumbles, everyone falls, everyone struggles, an eating disorder just happens to be your struggle.  It doesn’t define who you are or what you are unless you let it.  It’s whether or not you jump back up that counts.  So how do I get on the right track, start the journey of getting over this mind set?
 First thing, always remind yourself you are not your eating disorder, say it out loud if you have to. Even if at first it sounds silly or you don't quite understand it or believe it, you know what they say, fake it til you make it.  Soon it will make sense, and at first your voice may quiver when you say "I am not my eating disorder", but soon you can shout it out loud because you will believe it.  You will be suprised at how much help positive reassurance is, and as you read through my posts you will come to find that positive reassurance is one of my go to tools.
Second, the best way to know what will help most is to find the root of the problem.  It could be feeling you have no control in your life, a traumatizing event, anxiety or  low self-esteem.   It isn't always easy to find the root of the problem, you may even think there isn't a root... the eating disorder just happened, but if you think long enough something will click.  When you find that root you can start to take the steps to correcting that feeling. If it's a little harder to find the root don't fret, you can take steps to correcting your eating disorder anyway, maybe after a month or two something will pop up that just makes sense. Observe yourself, notice when your eating disorder is at its worst, where are you, who are you with, what are you doing?  These are triggers, I will talk more about this in my next post. Take note of those moments,  is there a pattern? 
Like i said before, positive reassurance goes a long way and it's typically my go to tool.  So this week's exercise is positive reassurance. When you panic remember 'I am not my eating disorder.' And follow that with a compliment,  something you like about yourself. Second assignment,  write a letter to your body, strange I know but it helps. Below I have put a sample of what your letter might say, be honest with yourself and say it all how it is.  It will feel good.

'Dear Body,
   I am so sorry for the way I have treated you lately, you are a beautiful machine and you take such good care of me.  We are supposed to be a team, working together, you take care of me and I take care of you.  I promise from here on out I will do better.  I may stumble so please be patient.  My goals are to think more positive, compliment you, feel comfortable in my own skin and eat well. I will obtain those goals by....'

   You get the idea right?  Easy enough.  You can make it as long or as short as you want.  I really want this exercise to help you realize you and your body ARE a team, you work together and its the only one you have.  Take care of it, love it.  You are beautiful!  Any questions or comments feel free to let me know.  Until next time XOXO.


Friday, August 1, 2014

The story thus far...

         The first post of course has to be a little bit of an introduction as well as an explanation of why I chose to blog on such a strange subject... Healthy curves.  The idea of a blog and workout videos came to me after so many people asked for my advice on diet, fitness and battling eating disorders. I started thinking of the best ways to reach as many people as possible without repeating myself over and over again...And obviously a blog was the conclusion. My goal here is to help as many people as possible defeat eating disorders and distorted thinking when it comes to weight and weight loss.  But even those that just need some fitness advice, read on there is something in here for you too. Like I said in my introduction I am not a certified personal trainer, physical therapist or dietician but I do have plenty of experience on my side.
          At eleven years old I began my struggle with anorexia.  It started with skipping meals here and there followed by a binge and extreme guilt and depression.  Each "episode" of starvation was worse then the first and lasted longer and longer until I believed I had it perfected.  Of course they all ended in a binge and a new psycho plan to do better then last time.  My face was hollow, eyes empty and hair thinning but I didn't care, I had hip bones! My thinking was so distorted... I could no longer make reasonable judgments, I was afraid of myself. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and was hospitalized that I really saw the damage my habits had done.  Not only to me but to so many people around me! To this day I suffer the effects of anorexia, the most frightening of all, will I ever be able to get pregnant? Anorexia is just like an addiction, it is something you will fight forever, it sounds hopeless, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.   
           Eating disorders are scary, and they make you feel so alone and defeated.  I remember thinking "there is no way I can defeat this, every eating disorder story ends with a personal trainer and personal chef and there is no way I can afford that... Ever. I will die of anorexia."  I am here to tell you that is not true, you don't have to have a personal trainer and personal chef to defeat the ugly eating disorder.  You need to have the will to change, the motivation and the tools.  I have those tools and that motivation for you, right here in this blog, you just need to bring the will :)  That is it for me today, just a short and sweet introduction to my blog.  I will try to write a couple times a week so please check in and get your weekly dose of motivation.  You are strong and beautiful and worth SO much.  Until next time, XOXO